Matt Dawson on winning, failing and finding the people who make you better

It was the morning of November 22, 2003, in a Sydney hotel room, when Matt Dawson heard a noise at his door. A note had been slipped under it. The handwriting was instantly familiar – that of Paul Grayson, his close friend and long-time teammate.

Inside were words Dawson would never forget: “Today is your day. All your growing has been done. You’re in control of the World Cup final. The rest of the world can rejoice in Matthew Dawson, the finished article… You’ll make the difference. This is where you belong. Enjoy it.”

Hours later, Dawson would pass the ball to teammate Jonny Wilkinson, whose drop goal sealed England’s place in sporting history as they won the 2003 Rugby Union World Cup. But Grayson’s letter captured something every leader craves: belief, clarity and the reassurance that all their preparation has led to this defining moment.

For Dawson, those words became a lasting reminder of the power of having the right people in your corner.

“It’s increasingly more difficult, the more successful you are, to surround yourself with good people,” he reflects. “You don’t always know their motivation.”

Success, he warns, can isolate you. And in that isolation, your judgment can falter. Whether in sport or business, the people around act as mirrors, revealing your blind spots.

In Dawson’s early years at Northampton, one figure stood out: Wayne ‘Buck’ Shelford, the legendary New Zealand captain known for his ferocity and character. In Sam Walker’s book The Captain Class, he quotes fellow All Black Sean Fitzpatrick, who describes Shelford as a leader “you would walk over broken glass for”.

“Buck was at the end of his career and I was at the beginning of mine. He looked after me,” Dawson recalls. What stayed with him wasn’t Shelford’s physical toughness, but his emotional intelligence – his ability to challenge, criticise and encourage in equal measure.

“I didn’t realise at the time how much those relationships moulded me,” Dawson says. “Having those types of individuals that you can really look up to, but that you're also happy to receive criticism and praise from, gives you that all-around understanding of yourself.”

For Dawson, this self-awareness – the quiet strength to turn feedback into fuel – became the cornerstone of leadership. His tight circle of friends, family and teammates kept him grounded in an environment that often tempts you to drift from your values.

One of his toughest lessons came during the 2001 British and Irish Lions tour to Australia. Disagreeing with coach Graham Henry’s approach, Dawson wrote in his column in The Daily Telegraph that Henry treated players like children and ran a harsh regime. He later reflected bluntly in his 2004 autobiography Nine Lives: “Let’s get it straight. The number one problem on the tour was communication.”

“As I grew older in my rugby career, I was maybe a little bit more understanding of the influence that you have,” he says. “I later had a real moment of clarity, without being too blunt, about how much of a dick I was being. Unfortunately, at that time, I didn't have the people around me to gently make me realise that I was being a bit of a plum. I actually had to do something really catastrophic to realise that.”

That episode taught him a vital leadership lesson: passion and focus are essential but if you repel rather than engage people, you lose them.

“You’ve got to be able to bring people with you. I am not the finished article today, but it took me a long time to make the change,” he says. “It could be as small as catching yourself when you’re writing an email.

“Maybe I’m frustrated that something's not been done. I'm going to start the email in a really positive way to not only engage the reader, but also engage me. Allow me to take a breath and calm down. Let's think of all the good things that are going on here and then let's balance it with that feedback.”

Dawson has worn many hats. From England scrum-half to Strictly Come Dancing runner-up, BBC broadcaster and A Question of Sport team captain. But for more than 15 years, he has also built a notable career in facilities management and real estate. Earlier this year, he joined property services company JLL’s EMEA work dynamics board in a strategy role.

Yet his playing career, which saw him capped over 80 times for England and the Lions and make more than 300 club appearances for Northampton and Wasps, continues to shape his outlook.

He recalls a recent event in Amsterdam where, after preparing a corporate speech, he found himself drawing on rugby once again.

“In a company context, it’s where you are in the corporate ladder,” he says, “and in a rugby context, we would talk about borrowing the shirt. I was fortunate to have an extended England career but it's now somebody else's jersey. So, what do you want that jersey to represent? How do I stamp the blueprint of Matt Dawson on it? There are these little nuances of elite performance from sport that I absolutely live and die by.”

Managers who left the greatest mark on him – Wayne Smith, Warren Gatland, Shaun Edwards, Clive Woodward – all shared one thing: they took the time to truly know their players.

“The commonality that I would get from them is that they absolutely took time out to get to know me,” Dawson says. “Sometimes I didn't like it. Often I got some harsh words but over the course of my career, I learned to take on that criticism positively, because they are trying to make me a better rugby player.”

He recalls Woodward, with whom he won the World Cup, once writing that Dawson wasn’t even in the top five scrum-halves in the country. “At the time, I remember reading this Christmas card and just thinking, ‘What on earth? How do you think this makes me feel?’,” he says. “But of course, he knew that I would stew on it and then do something about it myself to make sure that I wasn't fifth choice.

“That was one of many different ways that coaches would choose to get to know their players. And that’s a really important facet of my working life today. You can’t always get to know everybody, but I try to make as much effort as possible to get to know individuals and what makes them tick.”

When asked which five people he’d invite to a dream dinner party, Dawson chooses Muhammad Ali, Daley Thompson, Mother Teresa, Tim Berners-Lee and Neil Armstrong. It’s an eclectic list: a boxer, an Olympian, a humanitarian, an inventor and an astronaut. But perhaps that’s the point.

“I’m like a sponge now,” he laughs. “I want to learn. I wasn’t like that at school but I’m making up for lost time.”

It’s a fitting reflection from a man whose journey has spanned sport, broadcasting and business. A man still curious, still driven and still borrowing the shirt.