Confidence is a losing game for women in business. They are either perceived as lacking it or overdoing it, never fitting the business book description of a typical strong, confident leader.

We are often told we aren’t ready for leadership roles or can’t secure funding for our businesses because we “lack confidence”. Yet, when women do exhibit confidence, the tables turn for the worse. Confident women are often punished in the business world, perceived as less likeable and not nice. Mean girls.

A recent analysis in Harvard Business Review highlights this paradox. Women who demonstrate high levels of typical confidence by being extroverted or assertive risk being perceived as overdoing it and, ironically, lacking in confidence.

This double standard significantly disadvantages us, making the journey to leadership even more arduous.

Such a narrative is pretty much a dead end for us. It places the onus on women to do something about being promoted into leadership roles, raising money for their businesses, or making it onto a board. If only women could just get this confidence thing right.

Two people – Sarah and James – also prove that we can’t win at this. A few years ago, researchers at the Yale School of Management took a case study about a hedge fund manager, James, and created two case studies for the same person – one called James and one called Sarah. Every other word except their names stayed the same and two groups of students got to read the case studies independently.

Despite identical achievements and performance data, participants rated the male manager as more competent and confident than the female manager. This highlights the deep-seated biases that are perpetuated by confidence play.

The definition of confidence itself might be part of the problem. Traditionally, confidence has been associated with traits such as assertiveness, decisiveness and dominance – qualities often viewed as more masculine. This male-dominated definition of confidence does not align with the behaviours and attributes that many women naturally exhibit, such as collaboration, empathy and inclusiveness.

Addressing these challenges requires a multifaceted approach. Here are three recommendations for business leaders to start eradicating the confidence perception gap and facilitate an inclusive approach to confidence in business:

1. Redefine confidence

Confidence needs a makeover to include a wider range of behaviours and traits. By acknowledging and valuing qualities such as collaboration, empathy and inclusiveness, we can create a more embracing definition of confidence that works for everyone. Research by Eagly and Carli in The Leadership Quarterly magazine shows that inclusive leadership styles are not only effective but also play to women’s natural strengths.

2. Implement inclusive selection processes for candidates

The procurement process creates business and making it more inclusive can mean the world to SMEs. We can shift focus to inclusive processes for selecting leaders, creating procurement shortlists and ensuring they balance decisiveness with collaboration. This approach moves beyond traditional, male-dominated leadership models and promotes a more balanced and effective leadership style that aligns with the strengths of both men and women.

3. Changing the face of networking

Networks can help accelerate your business – and it’s true. The current hold-up is that many networking events are held at times and in places that are not accessible to everyone. While breakfast meetings, golf trips and dinners are popular, we need to add inclusive options to the mix, like virtual meetings, lunchtime sessions and family-friendly events.

Founder and CEO Kike Oniwinde Agoro spoke recently about her toddler and carer being accommodated in a separate room for a CEO dinner at Boardwave, so it is possible. This diversity ensures everyone can participate and benefit from networking opportunities. Supportive networks are crucial for business development and it’s time to find a more diverse way of doing it. By rethinking how and when we network, we can create environments that boost women’s confidence and career growth without compromising their personal responsibilities.

By implementing such recommendations, business leaders can create more equitable and empowering businesses. This not only benefits women but also enhances overall organisational performance by leveraging the full potential of a diverse workforce.

Bridging the confidence gap is not just a matter of fairness, it’s a strategic imperative for businesses aiming to thrive in today’s competitive environment. 

Zara Nanu is a serial entrepreneur and a member of the women’s leadership board at Harvard Kennedy School.